To Be Loved
by NalSweetheart
Summary: Sequel to 'Be Still, My Heart'. Five life-changing moments in Saito Hajime's life after the Battle of Aizu.


_**Hey guys, this is the sequel to 'Be Still, My Heart' that is a little late, but complete nonetheless. Hope you guys enjoy it.**_

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**To Be Loved**

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_**Death**_

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The battle of Aizu was over, and the Aizu clan had lost. And Saito's biggest regret was not dying with his comrades. He and half his unit survived, and the Aizu clan kept their survival a secret for their safety. But Saito was determined to go help Hijikata-san in Ezo or join Sannan-san and Heisuke in Sendai. Despite his pleas to let him leave, however, the Aizu clan leaders refused to let him.

Not long after, Saito received news of Shinsengumi's death. Of Sannan-san and Heisuke's finished time and of Hijikata-san passing after defeating Kazama. He mourned their deaths in silent grief, and he prayed to the gods that _she _was safe. Prayed with every ounce of his being that she was safe and out of harm's way, wherever she was.

Nineteen months after, Saito found himself in the presence of the Aizu clan leaders.

'Go,' they said. 'You have given your all. You have honoured the Shinsengumi and our clan.'

He looked up, surprised. 'My lords, where do you want me to go?'

'Wherever you please,' they responded. 'You have given enough to this country, and your life is yours now. The battles are over, and the Shinsengumi is no longer intact. We would love to have you join our military force, but you are not ours to have.' The old men smiled bitterly. 'Leave this place, Saito Hajime.'

Saito was stunned. 'My lords,' he protested, 'I have dedicated my life to being a samurai. I will not turn on it now. I will protect this clan and the king and this entire country with my entire being. How could you ask me to leave?'

'Then as the leaders of the clan you swore to protect, we order you to leave. Leave the life of a warrior, abandon your sword. Get married and be a king in your own home. You are the last samurai of the Shinsengumi, live for your fallen comrades.'

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_**Search**_

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The news of his dismissal surprised nobody more than he. It angers him, in a way, to think that he would continue to live while the men he had spent his life with were now part of the earth. That he would grow old while his dear friends had died at such tender ages.

He tells himself and those who ask that he has nowhere to go, and has no home, but deep down, he knows that his heart will lead him to her. But he does not know where she is, nor does he know whether she still awaits him. He fears that she might have moved on, so he bides his time.

He goes where his feet take him. To all the places Shinsengumi have fought, the bases they called their home. He visits the sake houses where he remembers Harada and Souji become drunk out of their minds, he visits their families and offers them his condolences. They all weep and tell him to live well, and it shames him. Lastly, he visits their graves, one by one. And he talks to them. He tells them that all is over and though they lost, he will continue as the living Shinsengumi legacy. He has more he wants to say, but the words are caught in his throat.

He wants to tell them that they have taken bits of his heart with them when they died, and that he is no longer a whole. He feels broken, and his greatest fear of all is that she (the oni, the obedient, the _weak _Kondo Chizuru who has stolen his torn apart heart) would have gone on to live without him. That she would have gotten married, had a child, and would have been content with her life.

It is at Hijikata-san's grave that he voices his inner thoughts, and he promises his commander one last oath. 'I'll find her, and I'll protect her.' He says, 'She was precious to us all, and I promise to make sure she is happy, with or without me.'

That day, he allows his feet to finally take him to her. He still does not know where she is, but he asks around, searches high and low. After almost two years, he finally lets his heart take control of his actions, and he prays to all the gods who have never before answered his prayers, to make sure she is _okay._

After almost two months of searching, he finds out she is in Sendai.

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_**Reunion**_

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He learns that she works as a physician's apprentice, and he thinks it's to be expected, since she is the daughter of a doctor. She lived simply, he finds out, in a small hut that belongs to the physician she works for. But the biggest relief for him is to find out that she was still a maiden. A recipient of many proposals in the town he hears, but it makes his heart soar to know she refused them all.

_Perhaps she waited for me_

It is midnight when he approaches her hut. It is beside the town's river, and she is sitting on the bank, looking up at the moon. It reminds him of the first time they shared a kiss, and watching her now, he realizes just how much she completes him. And he knows in that moment of clarity that even if he spent the rest of his life wandering without her, she will still own the broken pieces of his heart.

'It will be full moon next week,' he says quietly, his voice floating in the silence around them, and she stiffens, her back to him. 'But the moon is beautiful like this as well. It looks like a biscuit that has been nibbled on by a child, someone once said to me.'

Slowly, she gets to her feet and turns to face him, and he feels his blood pounding in his ears as she stares at him. A stretched silent overcomes them, but as quickly as it came, it left, because her beautiful face filled with delight and she threw herself at him.

He hears her breathing near his ear, and his arms come around protectively to crush her to him. 'I knew you'd be back,' she rasped, voice filled with happiness and excitement.

_Oh how he missed her._

Saito lets out a sigh of relief and holds her tighter, closing his eyes, allowing her scent to fill his senses.

'I kept my promise,' he whispered.

Her grip on him tightens and he feels her smile. And he thinks that he would be happy to stay like this for the rest of his wretched life.

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_**Names**_

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Once he had sworn his life to the way of the samurai, Saito never imagined marrying, nor having children. But now, in a family of his own, he finds that it is constantly growing. Their first child is a boy, and they name him Toshizo, because Hijikata-san was undeniably one of the greatest influences in both of their lives. Toshizo is only two years old when they have a second, named Kondo.

Some people in the town who recognise them pester the couple about naming their children after people they know, saying it would only remind them of the past, but Saito disagrees. It would only remind them of how great the people in their past were, and how much they meant to them. It is surprising when their third child is also a male, and Chizuru chose to name him Souji, and Saito could only agree, because the child had a striking resemblance to the late samurai. With bright emerald eyes and auburn hair, Saito could have sworn that if Souji's own children would have looked like this should he have had any.

Chizuru is beyond herself with happiness when she finds out that her fourth pregnancy were with twins, and Saito felt proud to know that his family would be a big one. Neither is surprised when the twins end up beings sons as well. 'I would have liked a daughter,' Saito tells Chizuru with a teasing smile, but he is relieved nonetheless that the childbirth was without fuss, for he had heard many women died whilst birthing twins. He names his sons Sanosuke and Shinpachi. It was fitting, since his past friends had been the best of companions. He prayed that his sons would love each other just as much.

The twins were four years old when Chizuru had found a young lost boy in the outskirts of Sendai. He was young, just a little older than Shinpachi and Sanosuke, who said he had no family and no name. When Chizuru had brought him home, Saito was bemused by his wife's actions. They had enough children as it was, but he could not deny that the boy was terribly young. So they adopted him, and Chizuru named him Heisuke. It brought a smile to his lips, because although the boy wasn't the youngest like Heisuke had been in the Shinsengumi, he grew to be a small-figured teenager, short and lithe. Their sons accepted him as a brother, and Saito treated him as he would his own children.

They lived their life as such. Chizuru became a doctor and midwife in the town, and Saito chose to open a dojo to teach others self-defence and how to handle a sword.

The Aizu clan leaders had told him to abandon his sword, but Saito knew that if he did, he would lose sight of his past, and he could not bear to forget his friends.

In Chizuru's fifth pregnancy (their boys were beginning to grumble that their family was becoming much too big), she gave birth to a beautiful daughter, and Saito was determined to be the one to name her. He gave her the name Kumiko, which meant 'rarely seen beauty', because she was his only daughter, and she reminded him of Chizuru amongst the Shinsengumi.

'You will be much beloved,' he told his daughter the night she was born. 'Your brothers would love you like themselves.'

And so, with seven children (although Chizuru claimed she would love another son to name Sannan in honour of Sannan-san) Saito led his life. Some nights he awakened from nightmares of war and watching his comrades' death, and the guilt ate at him, threatening to break the little amount of his spirit that was left. But it only lasted until the morning, when he saw his children who completed him and his wife who owned his soul, and he knew that the Shinsengumi would have wanted him to live.

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_**Grave**_

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Saito made it a ritual to visit his friends' graves every year with his children. Each time, he would introduce his sons to the respective graves, and he could feel the spirits of his comrades' smiles.

_Are you proud? I will bring these children up to be like you. They will bring honour to your names._

He would tell his children of the brave tales, and his sons would be at awe. 'We'll make them proud, Father!' Shinpachi would say each time enthusiastically, and Saito felt his heart swell.

_And how about that daughter of yours, Saito?' _He felt his friends ask him.

Saito's gaze fell on his Kumiko, whose cheeks were flush with excitement. He raised a hand to her cheek.

_She is my most beloved. She is beloved to us all._

Once they'd return home, Saito would hold Chizuru in his arms at night and tell her he loves her. He was a man of little words, but he feared that even without war, death was always near, and he felt compelled to let her know that without her, he would have no purpose to live.

'I love you more,' she'd say.

And Saito would lean down and press his lips against hers. 'I love you most.'

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_**So I know it's not much of a sequel, but I desperately wanted them to end up together and have a family. And it seems readers did too, but I hope this wasn't too sappy.**_

_**Love to hear your thoughts!**_


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